Days 29 -31 (Wed to Fri) nightmare...

Well, what a nightmare of a week! My business trip to Paris went ok, but the lead up to it was hectic so I didn't get a chance to post. Took my packs, my hand-blender & 3 lots of microwaved 'biscuits' for the Wed / Thur & Fri. The flight over wasn't good, ended up being 2 hours late, and of course I'd put all my packs in the hold luggage as I wasn't sure they'd let them through security. Had to content myself with a black coffee instead. Things got worse when I got out of the terminal as the main road into Paris was closed due to an accident and all the roads were jammed up.

Finally got to the hotel about 11pm absolutely knackered - switched my phone on to find a text message from our LLC telling me she was giving up Lighterlife. The message didn't say much except that we could pop round on the Saturday or Monday to get more packs from her. I felt absolutely gutted by that message, and sat in my hotel room for an age wondering what to do, trying to work out what my options were and whether or not I should just jack the whole thing in (though thankfully those particular thoughts didn't last too long).

I really wanted to post or go on minimins for advice but couldn't connect - it was quite hard being away from all the support and contact actually, and I really missed it. Phoned h2b and he was really great, said to not worry about it until I got back from France and that I should not give up on it as I'm doing really well - it's the first time he's really acknowledged that I'm doing well - I don't mean that he's not supportive because he really is, it's just that he hasn't really talked much about it up til that point and it meant so much hearing him say that! So I went to bed slightly happier (with my hot chocolate drink!).

The Thursday meetings went well, I had a shake in my room for breakfast and managed to sit and drink my water through lunch whilst everyone was tucking into baguettes, I told them I was on a diet and they were ok about it actually. The main problem was the dinner planned for the evening - we were told that morning that the client had arranged for us all to go out for dinner at his friend's restaurant. There was only time for us to drop our bags of at the hotel, and I was worrying about it the whole way over.

In the end I made a decision that I couldn't really not go with them, so went along, and had a salad as my starter (no dressing, thankfully they put it on the side!) and a steak for main (with just carrots which I ignored & no other veg or potatoes). Did a very good trick suggested in the LL booklet of cutting up bits and chasing it round the plate, no one noticed I hardly ate a thing. I was also poured a 1/2 a small glass of wine, and I managed to sip it so slowly my glass never got refilled. Felt very proud of myself, and the client was happy too. Dessert was funny though, I hadn't ordered one (of course!) & just drank my water when they came out, one of the guys kept insisting I try a bit of the pudding and I had to keep refusing, assuring him I was quite ok until he finally let up!

The rest of the trip went well, I stuck with my packs and everyone said they were impressed with my willpower. The truth was though that I really wasn't bothered by all the food - I appreciated looking at it but wasn't slightly tempted to have any. The other thing I found was that although I hardly did eat anything on the Thursday night, and just really played with the food on the plate, I did not enjoy it at all and felt really bad about the fact that I'd had to order it at all.

It was definitely not a situation I want to repeat (and thankfully trips like that only usually happen once or twice a year) but I guess it is a case of having to deal with the reality of the situation. This for us is a huge huge project and it was important to get this off to the right start, I had to make the decision not to risk alienating the client, which is always so much harder when there are language barriers there to overcome as well. Still, I am happy with how I handled it, the more I face situations like this the more I realise just how much I'm changing in my attitudes to food and eating. It also made me realise that even if I am out at a restaurant there's always healthier options I can pick, and I don't have to enjoy it any less.

Friday went well, had my shake again for breakfast, and one bar's worth of biscuits for lunch when I got to the airport. The flight back was delayed again, but not by too much, the traffic back was not great but I managed to miss the worst of the Friday evening traffic. Was absolutely shattered by the time I got home, only got about 3 hours sleep the night before as I was thinking about the LLC and what to do next. Also don't think it was helped by all the coffee I had during the day - I usually drink decaf at home so 4 cups of fully caffeinated really didn't help there!

I've been thinking about the LL situation a lot - I would really like to keep on with the Lighterlife programme, it does seem to be working for me and I'm finding the counselling sessions useful. To be honest though I'm not too cut up about having to switch counsellor as I have not been overly impressed with the current one - the thing that is worrying me, however, is whether or not we will be able to join another group who are all at around the same or similar week (5) as we are, or whether we'd have to start from scratch again which would not be so good.

I'm also worried about finding another LLC in the area, I'm already having to drive for 1/2 hour to get to the one in Lichfield, and I don't remember there being any nearer to me than that. Hmm. I suppose the other option could be to look at the Cambridge diet, the only problem there is that it doesn't have the counselling element that LL does. I also don't really want to go it alone, I know you can get the packs on ebay but they're way overpriced and it would be far too much hassle to get them on a regular basis; that, coupled with the lack of counselling and lack of weekly support / monitoring really rules it out as an option for me I think. Hmm, more to ponder on...