Tuesday 22nd May - post Hen night!! (Day 84!)

Busy week again so not had much time. Have been running around ordering bits & pieces for the wedding & trying to sort out table plans, favours, gifts etc around a hectic week at work! We went to see Meatloaf on Weds night at the NEC - we've seen him before & have to say it really wasn't one of his better performances, which was a bit of a shame. Still, was still good to see, he is such a showman (even if his vocals were a bit under par this time!).

One good thing that came out of it though was we saw a flier for upcoming events so have bought tickets to see Bill Bailey in November! We've both wanted to see him for quite some time so am really looking forward to it - we've been saying for ages we really ought to go & see more shows, theatre & comedy as we're so close to Birmingham at the moment - with plans for h2b to get a new job, who knows where we'll end up, so lets make the most of it whilst we still can!!

I had my hen night at the weekend - what a fantastic time! We had a bridesmaid dress fitting Saturday morning, which was fantastic, the girls all looked fab! There's a few alterations to be done but all should be finished by next weekend. Was also a relief to see the dresses in the colour we picked (it's a dark purple, but not bright like the cadbury's purple everyone thinks of when you say purple!) - here's a pic of Laura wearing hers (though the colour isn't very clear!)

The rest of the day was fantastic too - had lunch with everyone, then went karting in the afternoon. We had to rope a few of the boys in to make sure we had enough to do the endurance race (where you race in teams rather than individually) - was loads of fun. We picked partners randomly and somehow the two most competitive guys ended up on the same team (no surprise who won then!!). There was also a bit of a surprise as they have a special pink go-kart for the hen, which they made me drive!!

I ended up with my mother on my team & was very funny - we didn't get a medal but we did get the wooden spoon award for most crashes!!

After that we all piled round to my friends house to get ready, before heading over to another friend's house who was hosting the dinner - got a 'taxi' there which turned out to be a limo! Here's a pic of me ready to leave & in the limo, then all of us outside the limo once we'd arrived!

It was a fab evening - they had slaved away all Friday & most of Saturday to create a fantastic meal that lasted most of the night. They'd also really thought about my diet (I'd said before LL that the hen night would be an exception as I didn't want them to worry about it!) - anyway, they'd planned an Italian feast, so lots of cold meats, salads, olives etc for starters, a very small pasta dish, then chicken & veal for the main course & not very many carbs in anything! I really enjoyed it actually & although I did eat, didn't go silly & stopped when I felt full too - I was quite impressed with myself!!

I also had a few drinks but it really was only a couple of glasses - I had a fantastic evening, and didn't consciously make a decision to restrict my drinking, I just did it automatically! Oh how I've changed!! I did have a small bit of the desserts but hey, and I enjoyed it but it was enough!

The next morning we looked at everyone's photos & have to say I was really pleasantly surprised! I've hated having my photo taken for so long, & try to avoid being in front of the camera as much as possible. I don't' think I've seen a photo of me since I started the diet, so was really shocked at the change when I saw the photos! I'm just amazed, and it really is proof that the diet is working!

I was really pleased with the outfit too - had popped to Next in the week as I really didn't have anything to wear - it was fab shopping! The skirt I love - the whole outfit is a size 14 (which was a shock in itself!) and the best bit is the skirt is already loose! Grin!

Back on track with CD now, was worried I would struggle & there was an 'oh do I really have to' moment yesterday morning, but gritted my teeth and got through it, so am back on track again. According to my scales I've put on .2 of an lb so am really happy about that too, and now have the focus for the next 4 weeks! My CDC is moving me up to 790 this Wednesday too - that will be weird re-introducing a little bit of protein & greens every day!

Anyway, enough waffle for one day, hope everyone had a great weekend - gonna try to catch up with the blogs in a bit...

Catch up! Day 77 (Tuesday 12th May)

Well, I know I've been really crap at keeping the blog up to date over the past few weeks, didn't realise it's almost 3 weeks since I last posted though!! I've had a busy few weeks as you've probably already guessed, both at work (where I'm snowed under at the mo!) and wedding stuff, plus being away at the weekends - none of which has helped as I've not had much time to get on to the computer! I have been managing to read most people's blogs (sorry for the lack of comments but I've been snatching a few mins here & there!) but just haven't had a chance to post here - and the longer I left it, the more stuff I had to write, & the more I put it off until I had time!!

Anyway, the main news is about the diet - back on the 25th I decided to try seeing if the whole going one week to the full session & one week to riding would work. This was the first full session I went along to - the LLC was good and the people in the group seemed nice, but we had another 3 people join who were all coming back to LL after a break & after having put weight back on. It seems it's an open session for 're-starters' which is what she's had to group us in with, not ideal!

The weighing, measuring & sorting out of foodpacks took well over an hour again, meaning we had about 20 mins left for counselling, and she went back over some stuff from week 4 which we'd already covered. She was much better than the previous LLC & it was informative, but I couldn't help wishing she'd picked a week we hadn't covered yet!

I also found out that LL don't have a record of any of us from our original group, which means we had to to fill in all the forms again and also would need to get another medical check - more hassle. To top it all off, it turned out that the new LLC was going on holiday for 2 weeks. That wasn't an issue in itself, however it did mean that with the locum things would be a bit unsettled, and the week she gets back, I'm then not able to go for two weeks. That will effectively leave me just 1 week (the original week 14) before I'd want to go to management anyhow.

So all in all, not a good day. I left feeling really down about the whole thing, and couldn't help thinking that without the counselling, was I really getting my money's worth from sticking with LL? I couldn't help but feel disappointed with the whole thing , just when I thought things were back on track...

Anyway, I had enough food packs to last another 2 weeks, so decided to continue at home & think things over. I also talked things over with h2b who was really supportive. I looked at other options, such as moving to CD or moving to Atkins, and in the end decided to move over to CD as I think the abstinence / food packs have worked really well (and to be honest the thought of having to cook for myself at this stage is a little scary!!).

So, last Wednesday I went & saw my local CDC - she was lovely & very supportive. She was happy to move me over there & then onto CD (& she was complimentary of the LL counselling & process), so after filling in all the forms & being weighed & measured (yay I'm into the 12 stone now (just!!)) she sorted out my packs. She's given me some of everything (except for the Butterscotch which is apparently just like the caramel, & the Thai chili equivalent, neither of which I'm overly fond of).

I was really surprised by the amount of choice - for the sweet flavours there are: Vanilla, Cappuccino, Chocolate, Choc Mint, Toffee & Walnut, Strawberry, Banana, Fruits of the Forest & Butterscotch. For the savoury there are: Chicken & Mushroom, Mushroom, Vegetable, Oriental Chili, Broccoli & Cheese and Spicy Tomato. For the bars there are: Orange, Chocolate, Malt Toffee, Caramel, plus 2 chewy ones: Peanut and Cranberry. The bars are all covered in milk chocolate (except the orange which is dark choc).

I took 2 weeks supply as I can't go to see her this week (out at a Meatloaf concert!). I have to say, the packs & bars are a damn sight better tasting than the LL ones! I'm not sure if it' was just the joy of having so much choice after 10 weeks on LL, but I'm really enjoying it!

I also explained about the wedding looming up on me (arg, it's only 5 1/2 weeks away now!!) & she was great about it, she says I'll do the first 2 weeks on Sole Source (i.e. just the packs) then she'll start moving me up the stages so that I'll be able to eat most food groups by the wedding :-) She actually said before I even mentioned the wedding that I wouldn't have to be on SS for too many weeks, which made me feel good too - there is light at the end of the tunnel! She also said I can start to introduce some protein for a few nights before next Wednesday's session, in preparation for moving up a step.

So that's pretty much all in terms of where the diet now is - I stayed on packs the whole time through the change to CD, though I confess I did have a bit of a slip over the weekend, bizarrely not on food so much, but on wine. I know I shouldn't have, but we were still trying to sort out the wines for the wedding and were getting increasingly fed up with the whole thing (plus we're really needing to order them!). So on Saturday we went out & got a couple of bottles to test, and I had a few glasses of wine, plus a small bit of chicken & some spinach.

Felt really guilty about it next day, but it was wet, rainy & miserable so I had another glass that evening (though just one this time). I was also feeling down as I don't seem to have lost much this week (even before Sat night!). I have had trouble drinking all my water though & have been really bad at it since Thursday, so maybe that's why? Anyway, have dusted myself off now, am not going to feel guilty about it any more & am going to make a good push for the last few weeks on the run up to the wedding.

I've also been a bit crap on the whole exercise thing - after making the effort to get my bike out of the loft & fixed, it's been raining so I've not made the effort to go out on it, then I had a sore throat & cough / cold last week so used that as an excuse! Anyway, woke up this morning feeling much better, much less tired & much more positive about everything. Did my 1/2 hour on the treadmill and the LL exercises, and even managed to nip out for 20 mins on the bike at lunchtime!

Ok, sorry about the length of the post - was going to include some of the other bits that have been happening over the past few weeks, but think I'll leave that till tomorrow now!! Right, off to make some jewellery for the bridesmaids, can't believe it's 8pm already!

Night x

Day 56 - Tuesday in Edinburgh

Needed to be up at 4.30am to catch the flight to Edinburgh for today's meeting, but ended up not getting to sleep till gone midnight, then woke up at 3.45 & couldn't get back to sleep, so got up then instead. Had a raspberry shake before leaving the house & took with me a nut bar and a mushroom soup, though doubted very much I'd be able to have the soup!

Flight up was fine, landed just after 8am & went & grabbed a decaf coffee in Costa. Laura & her boss landed about 20 mins after me & came & joined me for a coffee before heading off to their meeting - was a bit weird seeing her at the airport for coffee! Tried to get onto the wifi & couldn't get a strong enough signal (even though the websites proclaimed wifi access even in arrivals!) - moved around the terminal a few times & even went upstairs to the departures bit before security but still no luck, which was a pain as there was a tonne of work I could have been getting on with if I had access. S

till, had a load of notes to read through & write up, and actually by the time Laura & her boss left at 9 there was only 3 1/2 hours to kill before my colleagues arrived. Drank plenty of water during the day too & had a nibble of the nut bar at 12 before they landed. They grabbed some lunch before heading to the customer - looked really good but I wasn't at all tempted & sat drinking my black coffee & catching up with news!

Meeting was a bit disappointing actually, & to top it all off the taxi taking us back to the airport was really late, and the guys were catching the 17.25 back to Heathrow. Luckily they'd already checked in but one still had to print his boarding card & we finally got back to the airport at 16:45! I told them to run for it whilst sorting the taxi out (my flight wasn't till 18:25 & I was already checked in / had a boarding pass, so I wasn't in a hurry.

Got out of the cab & bumped straight into Laura & her boss, which was cool, so we went and sat upstairs for a bit. Her boss had to go check something with the airline so had a good natter with Laura & ate the rest of my bar before we all headed through security, which took an absolute age! Hope the guys catching the earlier flight made it through ok, but I didn't see them in the departure lounge so hoping they did.

My flight ended up being delayed & finally took off around 7.45, so I didn't get back home until about 9.30 by which point I was absolutely knackered. It was really hard hanging around at the airport for those last few hours as everyone around me seemed to be eating and there was a fab smell coming from one of the catering outlets. However just sat there sipping my water & persevered, and when I got home had a mushroom soup & a hot chocolate, and felt very proud of myself for sticking with it!

Monday (Day 55 / 45 to go...)

H2b got away ok at about 5am (ouch!) - I slept for a bit longer but finally got up around 6.30 & pottered around. Finally managed to get the bike out of the garage last night but needs the tyres pumping up & h2b had left the pump at work. Really should have my own so decided to pop to the shops at lunchtime & pick a cheap one up, that way I can try to get out on the bike this week, which must be a good thing.

Work was busy again - am off to Edinburgh for a meeting tomorrow which isn't helping as there's a lot to prepare for that as well. The flights are a bit of a nightmare, my meeting is 2-4pm but the only flights I could get (at a reasonable cost, anyhow) were the 6.25pm back which is ok, but the 7am out! This means having to hang around at Edinburgh airport for about 4 hours until my colleagues arrive! Checked the airport website though & they do have wifi access points around the airport, including in arrivals, so this means I can get some work done whilst waiting for them to arrive. If that doesn't work I have a load of notes to read through & write up, so it wouldn't be the end of the world!

Popped out at lunch & managed to get a pump, plus a few bits of ribbon to make the fascinator for h2b's Nana, but didn't get a chance to do anything with either! Didn't finish work til 8pm, took a half hour to make & eat my mushroom poppadoms then had to get everything ready for the morning, dive through the shower & sort my suits out. Tried on my 2 best suits & horror of horrors, they're both way too loose. Luckily they're skirts rather than trousers, so I can just get away with one of them but the jacket looks enormous on me! Will get away with it for tomorrow, but will definitely need to sort something else out for the trip to Paris in a couple of weeks!

Sunday (Day 54)

Got up & had a raspberry shake before driving down to Blandford Forum to see the lady who's made the wedding cakes for us. She's an old friend of h2b's mother's - he hadn't seen her for about 12 years & I've never met her before so was a bit daunting!

All turned out very well, she's fab & it was great to meet her. H2B had warned her that I was on a diet so wouldn't be eating, and one of the first things she asked me was whether it was LL! Turns out that a lady in her office has just come through it & lost 4 st in 4 months, so was great not having to explain everything to her. She sounded genuinely interested in what I was doing, and made the staying for lunch much easier to cope with! Think I've been really lucky with our weekends away from home, what with h2b's mother having done CD too! Does help when the people you're with understand what you're doing!

After lunch we popped out to see her horses (one has just had a foal, 2 weeks old now & very cute!) Took a load of photo's, will load one on here but h2b has taken the camera to Ireland with him this week so will have to wait till he gets back! Looked at the cakes - they look absolutely fantastic (& huge!), she's been feeding them whiskey too! Will hand them over to my mother next weekend so that she can get them white-iced ready to go down to h2b's Nana to do the decoration. This is going to be one well-travelled cake by the end of it!!

Didn't get home till 8pm & we were both knackered - had a pack then went to bed as h2b has a very early start in the morning - he's off to Cork this week with work & needs to go into the office before he heads off!

Saturday (Day 53)

Had a bit of a treat for getting to my 2 stone lost this morning - a lovely facial at Clarins which was really relaxing! Better be careful or at this rate I'll end up turning into a girly-girl!Still, it's only until the wedding, which is 9 weeks today, & that means just 2 more sessions to go.

Headed down to Chepstow after lunch & got swamped by the kids the moment we arrived! They'd been to Euro Disney for Easter & were so excited about the whole thing, so were telling us all about it. Talked to h2b's stepmother, Fiona, about the dress & had a look at the material in daylight with her (& well out of the way of the boys who we left watching the rugby) - still felt it was a bit too creamy an ivory for me.

Fiona said she thought it was fine but I'm still not convinced, and when we tried it with my crystal bits for my hair, didn't match at all, so have decided to order the pale ivory instead & sell the ivory material on eBay. There's nothing wrong with it, it's just not quite right for me, which is a shame. Still, it's going to be the most important dress I'll ever wear & I want to get it right, and the material itself didn't cost a fortune. If I can get something for it on eBay that'll be good.

We also got out the 2nd mock-up bodice she'd made for me back in Feb, and it was far too big (yay!). I'm going to send her my stats this Wednesday when I measure myself, and also my cm rate of loss, so we can work out roughly where I'll be at the start of June. Fortunately I'm opting for a corset type back which means the fit doesn't have to be as accurate as a zip back. She's going to make it as a size 14 which should hopefully be fine, but we'll be able to adjust it if needed.

Also looked at the design of the dress we'd decided on, and though originally I'd liked the bodices with a bit of rouching at the front, we decided a boned bodice would suit me better. This time, however, she said that with all the weight I'd lost, the rouching would look really good, and that there's still time to change the design if I want to! So, we've decided to alter it slightly, it'll still be in satin but with a chiffon overlay that will be slightly rouched. Am so excited, it's exactly what I was after & we can try it - if it doesn't work we can still fall back to the satin bodice design!

Had a good evening as we went down the pub with h2b's dad & also JJ (friend of the family who's going to be doing the photography at the wedding) - was lovely to see him & he's so excited about taking the photo's! Talked through the type of photo's we were looking for & how it'd work on the day. The original pub we'd gone to ran out of beer (!!!) after the first pint (& they only had some generic smooth beer on tap left) so I ferried them all to the next pub which turned out to have 5 draught beers on tap so they were all very happy & wanted to work their way through the lot. Finally pulled them away about 8pm so we could go back & have dinner (plus there was only so many fizzy waters I wanted!)...

Was a good evening though, and although I had to sit next to them munching through peanuts & crisps when they weren't drinking their beer (oh and the smell! cheese & onion crisps, mmmmmmm) wasn't actually bothered by just having my water. See, things are progressing! I've now worked out that yes it actually is possible for me to go to a pub and not have a drink! ;-)

Oh, also forgot to say that the Tablet I made yesterday morning worked!! So pleased about it, but do have to confess I did nibble a really small piece whilst I was putting it away, which was so silly, but I really wanted to see if it was ok (I know I know, I'm just so stupid sometimes, but on the bright side I was able to stop at just that one small piece, which I suppose is something at least). Took it to Chepstow with us for an outside verdict and they all loved it, Stu's dad said it was as good as his grandmother's (not convinced myself, but the flattery was nice!).

Friday, Day 52 (48 to go)...

Was up nice and early this morning (still aching but better than it was yesterday!) & had made a batch of tablet before 8am! Put much less water in & it seems to have worked, it thickened up much better during the cooking process, and it was very nearly too thick to pour when I put it in the tin, so hopefully this will be better. If this doesn't work, think I'm going to look for somewhere to buy it online, but would be nice if we could do it ourselves!

Have left it to set now & popped upstairs to update the blog before I start work... will try to post back later & also catch up on everyone else's blogs if I get a chance!

Thursday, Day 51 (49 to go)

Grr, computers, grrr…. Got my new KVM switch this morning & spent an hour faffing with it trying to get it to work. It's a device which lets you use one monitor / keyboard / mouse between multiple computers, as I have a home desktop & work laptop it's really handy. I already have one, but have just upgraded my keyboard as my last one was getting old & some of the keys aren't functioning properly, which is getting increasingly annoying.

Anyway, to cut a long story short as I'm sure this is v. boring (!) I needed a new switch to use with my new USB keyboard. So, cables everywhere, desk a mess, was supposed to be a quick thing that just ended up taking forever and it's still not working as it should be. It also meant that I was without my home pc all day yesterday so wasn't able to get on to post / check emails / get on the internet - nightmare! Had to give it up after an hour as it was taking so long. Work was manic too, phone didn't stop and so it was difficult to concentrate on getting any one thing done, lots of jumping about which wasn't productive.

Finally finished at 8pm, which is 3 nights this week now (and the 4th was the LL session / riding when I had to leave early!). Can't wait for the weekend, though I'm probably going to have to do some then as well. Made tablet again tonight, 2nd batch and a slightly different recipe as the one I made on Sunday wasn't quite right (didn't set very well & wasn't as grainy as it should have been). Got the texture right this time, h2b said it was spot on, however it still didn't set very well :-( Actually, I think I know what the problem was, the recipe said to use 170 ml water, but as soon as I'd put it in I thought it looked way too much. Am going to try again but this time am going to put a lot less water in & see how that goes!

Was aching all over today too - legs from the riding and also my abs, think it was a combination of the sit ups I did, the abs exercises from the DVD and the riding! Well, they say no pain, no gain & all that ;-)...

Half Way!! Day 50, 50 to go... :-)

Day 50! Wow, can't believe I'm already half way through, it's gone so quickly. Today was a great day, and as it turned out, a bit of a day of achievements which made me feel good and even more determined to see this to it's conclusion. Got up & the first thing I did after weighing & measuring myself, was to go downstairs & do 50 sit ups before putting the exercise DVD on & working my way through the main exercises (up to week 8).

Updated my spreadsheet & found that this week's loss takes me just over the 2st lost in total mark, am so pleased! I also measured myself & whilst the losses weren't huge this week I still managed to lose a cm on my bust & waist. As it's half way through, I then went back and looked at my stats from the first day, and compared the two together - the results were (in imperial): 5" off my waist & hips, 4" off my bust & 3 1/2" off my thighs :-) Yay! I'm delighted (and was a little shocked when I read back how big those figures were at the start!).

I also checked the M&S website as they have a dress size chart on it, and am officially a size 16, according to M&S, which somehow made it all seem a little more real!! Wanted to rush out and go shopping there and then but had to quell that urge & try to remember a) the wedding (i.e. I can't afford to!) and b) the shopping trip I'll do when I get down to my target :-) This does mean a couple of interesting things - I really am dropping a dress size a month, which means I'll definitely be a 14 before the wedding, which is what I wanted. I really really would love to be a 12 and theoretically there's enough time (it still being 9 1/2 weeks away) but I know things can slow down towards the end, so I'm not going to count on it and then be disappointed when I'm not - to be honest I still can't quite believe I could be a 14 for it, let alone the small possibility of being a size down from that!

Work was a little manic again today, don't seem to have enough hours in the day at the moment. Had to leave early (5.15) to get to the weigh-in at 6pm which didn't help. Was also riding tonight, so couldn't stay for the whole session, but she was really nice about it and weighed me early on so that I could leave when I was ready. I lost 4 1/2 lb this week which was amazing, hadn't expected that at all, and even better, this took me to exactly 2 stone lost officially as well :-)

Chatted to the rest of the girls while we were all being weighed - some people had had a good week but one had had a bad week and had eaten, so were really down about it all. We tried cheering her up & in the end it wasn't as bad as she had thought (think she lost 2lb) but it did leave a bit of a vibe in the room as she was so down about the whole thing. I know we all have bad weeks & try to support each other, but this is the second week running for her, and I do worry that she's giving up on the whole thing. Lets hope she has a better week this week and can stick with it, hopefully the fact that she didn't gain anything (which she was convinced she would), and actually lost will help her.

There were a couple of new people this week too, who are not from the Lichfield groups, but are returners who finished the plan last year and are coming back to it now. For both of them they'd started to put the weight back on again (one of them had put back 3st in 9 months). I think it's great they've come back, but couldn't help feeling a little disappointed, not in them, but just the fact that I don't want to put anything back on when I've finished and hearing about their experiences made me worry that I would. It also turns out that 2 of the others from last week (who I thought were from Lichfield) are also returners, which means there are only 5 of us from all the Lichfield groups there now.

It does worry me slightly that we're not going to get the foundation counselling - I'm going to the whole session next week to see what we cover, but then will have to reassess the whole thing to see if it's worth me continuing with LL if there's no counselling benefits. She did say however that she's getting the foundation books for us, so hopefully having a read through of that will help. Think I'll speak to LL head office next week after the next session to see what they have to say.

Headed off about 6.30 to go to my riding lesson - was a really good lesson this week, flat work again (I keep missing the jumping :-( ) Rode Sam, who I managed to get going really well this week. I also found I was sitting a lot better too & was really working my thigh muscles - I'm sure it's to do with the weight loss, which is great to see. We did a lot of work without stirrups today, including walk, trot, canter transitions, I know I'm going to ache like hell tomorrow but it was great & totally worth it!

Tuesday - Day 49

Finally finished my work at 9 last night, ate 2 1/2 packs but couldn't manage the last one, did manage all my water though (just!). Was shattered, but was gone 11 by the time I went to bed, with my head still full of work. Woke up at about 3.30am & just lay there trying to get back to sleep, until h2b's alarm went off at 4.15am as he's driving down to a meeting in Southampton this morning. Gave up all pretence of trying to sleep so turned my light on & read till about 5.15, then tried to get back to sleep.

Finally woke up around 7.30 but felt absolutely shattered this time, typical! Busy morning at work, but my 3 hour conference call & site demo actually only took 1 1/2 which was much better than I thought & has freed up a bit of time for me finally. Hopefully won't be as manic for the rest of the week (she hopes!). Nikki & the baby are popping round later for lunch and a change of scene for her (think she's been feeling a bit isolated being cooped up in her house for the last 9 weeks!). This way I get to see them both which is fab, and she gets a change of scene, which is even better!

She popped round at about 12, so I took my lunch break then and went for a walk with her & jnr to the shops, which was a pleasant stroll. Afterwards chatted for a while, then popped upstairs to do some more work whilst she fed him, then chilled out while he slept. Popped back down mid afternoon for coffee & a chat, which was great & she loved being somewhere other than her's for a change! Looks like this could be a regular occurrence as she's joined a gym with a creche nearby, and is planning to go every Tuesday morning, then can come over here before heading home :-)

Finished work about 7.30 then went downstairs & had a go at making some table number holders for the tables at the wedding. I know we can buy them, but they're quite expensive for what they are, and so thought I'd have a go. Have some thick silver plated wire which I've used to make a spiral at the top (where you can put the table name / number in) & a straight stem into a block of wood which we can paint to match the colour theme. Got the wire part done & looks quite good finally (took 3 attempts!) - just need to do the wooden block now. Was good though as neither of us watched tv this evening & were a lot more productive as a result!

Monday - Day 48 (52 to go)

Well, if I thought last week was busy, nothing compared to today! It's 8.20pm and I'm still working - just waiting for a file to load now which takes about 10 mins so thought I'd pop on here to update this. I've managed to have 1/2 a mushroom pack and a bite of a nut bar so far, better get a move on or I won't get through all my packs today. Really do not feel hungry at all, it's weird!

OK, sorry it's a short post, will catch up tomorrow. Hope everyone else is doing ok, not had a chance to look at blogs since Friday, starting to have withdrawl symptoms!!

Sunday - Day 47

Didn't sleep too well last night, think all the chatting about the wedding yesterday got to me a little & I started thinking (and alright, I confess, panicing) about all the things we still have to do. Got up at 7am and started working on the lists of things to do - h2b also got up as he's an early bird, so we had a sit down with a big mug of coffee, and our diaries, lists, calendars etc to work out what & when we're going to sort the final bits out. Yesterday was 10 weeks to the wedding, which sounds awfully close!!

The main thing that's been stressing me out (I think I've mentioned it before) was getting hold of the local vicar to get my banns read here, so we went to the church service this morning. Was nervous about that, as I haven't really been since I was a kid, plus I'm not really into the whole church thing which didn't help. Anyway, I know I shouldn't have let it worry me so much, but sometimes you just can't help it, especially when it's something you don't really know, and there was the whole not being able to get married without it part hanging over our heads too.

It actually went really well, everyone there was lovely and we've now sorted it all out - the banns are being read the same weeks as the banns are in the church we're getting married in, starting on the 29th April which isn't too far away. The last set of banns will be mid-May, which gives us plenty of time to get the certificate. Was a huge relief to get that sorted!.

We got back home & took all our bits into the garden, sat there with a coffee & lemon bar biscuits (for me) and brownies (for him), and went through a load of other bits we needed to sort out. It's been a very productive day, which is what I think I needed - so far today we've decided on which hymns we're having, what music we're having for the processional / signing of the register / recessional, who we're going to ask to do our readings, who we're going to have as witnesses, what we're buying as gifts for our helpers, and written a list of things we're both sorting out this week. We've also decided to make Tablet (good old Scottish recipe a bit like fudge) as favours for the guests, thought it was something original and a little more personal if we make it ourselves, so made a test batch this afternoon too which h2b is going to try later (with much quizzing from me!) - we'll also take it with us when we visit his father next weekend and he can give us the official Scottish verdict on it!

We've also made a pact to not turn the TV on in the evenings during the week as we've got so many other bits to do as well, with the sailing theory course we need to complete by the end of May, h2b job hunting, stuff we need to do on the house & garden, plus all the bits we have to make & sort for the wedding. Think it's a good idea (but quite how long we'll manage I'm not sure!!) Right, off to write the Order of Service cards..!

Saturday - Day 46

Headed in to town around 9am for my makeup session at Clarins - was a bit disappointed to be honest as she didn't really tell me that much more than I already knew. There were one or two bits which were useful but that was about it. However it has made me convinced I'm going to be better off doing my own makeup on the day so at least that's one thing sorted out.

Didn't buy anything there but did get a nice new eyeshadow trio from Boots which should work well. Spent some time mooching around various shops looking at jewellery and ended up getting a very pretty bracelet which will look fab with the dress. Also got a necklace from M&S which was a bit sparkly - I know I was intending to do my own but I got it as more of a standby in case that doesn't work out!! It's the best I've seen so far as is quite delicate & not too over the top, plus it was £15, which bearing in mind all the ones I've spotted on the wedding jewellery websites are all upwards of £70 / £80, means it's a sensible price to boot. Gives me an incentive (as if I needed one!) to get my own finished, then if I prefer that to the M&S one I can always take it back.

Had friends coming round in the afternoon with their new-born, so popped into Salisbury's on the way back & got stuff to barbeque seeing as it was so nice! Made the shop round the supermarket ok, and actually wasn't at all fazed about buying lots of nice things for everyone else to eat. I keep buying really nice things for h2b, partly as I feel a little guilty I'm not helping out with the cooking any more, and also I think as a form of transference! As long as I know he's eating good things, it doesn't seem to bother me that I'm not!!

Also stopped off at the garden centre & bought a few flowers for my hanging basket & tubs. Feeling very guilty as the garden is a real mess at the moment! Got back & unloaded the car then hastily potted the plants before they arrived. Managed to get the garden table & parasol out too, really does feel like summer is here!

Was a lovely afternoon & evening, we all watched the Grand National which was a laugh. I don't bet in general but the Grand National is the only time I do - every year I always pick a couple of runners in the National at random, at £1 each way. Anyway, picked a couple that I'd heard of & a 33-1 shot - Silver BIrch which amazingly won :-)

I'm so pleased, I've only had one or two even placed before (and then I've only ever won a couple of quid) but this time I got £50 out of it, fantastic!! That's going straight in the wedding 'extras' pot!! We have a tub at home where we've been putting any odd £1 coins we're given as change as I figured you don't notice it really. We've been saving up for over a year and have about £200 in there now, & the idea is to use it as an 'extras' pot for the wedding for something nice we've not budgeted for!

We had a fab bbq in the garden in the evening, was lovely to see them both & can't believe how quickly little Luke is growing! He's 9 weeks old now & we last saw him at about 3 weeks. He's worked out how to smile & keeps grinning at everything, he's so cute!

Days 43 & 44 (56 to go)

Blimey can't believe I'm on day 44 already! Just logged on to post & couldn't remember what day I was on, so had to look it up and it was a bit of a shock to tell you the truth! It's kind of crept up on me I guess, as I've had a couple of really weird weeks where I've only been able to post occasionally which has thrown me out a bit!

Well, that's cheered me up and given me a little boost actually, so yay!

Yesterday was pretty good, the usual manic time at work, so much so that I didn't drink enough of my water through the day & had to down a load when I got back. It was the first of my 'new' sessions last night, I ended up leaving the house a bit late as I got caught on a call, but just made it in time (thanks mostly to the lack of traffic, I love school holidays ;-)

Was a bit nervous actually, I've been thinking a lot about whether to keep on with LL or go down the Cambridge route. I think I've become really skeptical about the whole thing, the counsellor leaving was a real let-down, I've been concerned that the old LLC didn't give us all the things she should have (for example the green foundation book) and just generally felt disappointed in the management of LL.

Anyway, I walked in to a warm welcome from the new counsellor & took a seat, there were a few others there (none I knew) but then two of the ladies from my original group arrived. It was great to see them, they were both pleased to see me too & told me they'd been worried when I hadn't turned up last week, which was really lovely! A few more people turned up, in total there were ten of us which was quite a nice size actually.

There were four of us who hadn't made the previous week, so we all had to fill in forms again to transfer over to the new counsellor, then we all sat around chatting (mostly about the old LLC!) whilst we were all weighed & measured. There was a lot of strong feeling about how let down we'd been actually, I know I shouldn't have been surprised but most people were angry with how the ex LLC had handled it (via a text to us all with no notice!). It was good to talk about it though and hopefully this will mean we can all now move on from it.

The weigh-in was very interesting and it became abundantly clear just how little the old LLC had done with us. She made me wee on a stick which came out darkish pink, then weighed me & even with my shoes on I'd lost 7 1/2 lb in 2 weeks :-) She also measured my chest, waist & hips but I've nothing to compare as this hadn't been done before at a weigh-in! She was also going to take my photo (again didn't have one taken at the start) but she said there wasn't much point any more as I've not got too much further to go, bless her!

The weigh-ins took an age as she had to go through so much with each of us, but after that we had a bit of an ice-breaker session (we all had to say who we were & one thing we liked & disliked (though no mentioning food!)) & as we went round the room we had to say all the previous ones too, which caused a few laughs. Was good actually and was starting to feel much more comfortable with the group, so it must have done the job!

It must be strange for everyone being put into a different group like that - I think the 3 of us from our old group are the newest into the program on week 7 - there are people from weeks 9 & 10 and some from development who have been on it for ages. We finished off with a brief chat about how the sessions are going to work moving forwards, as she obviously can't use the weeks in the foundation program. The new LLC does seem much more clued up and with it though which is a good sign, I get the feeling that we'll definitely make progress with her.

She also wrote down all the various bits we were missing, it seems each group is missing something different! She's going to speak to LL head-office about getting them to us, which will be great. I particularly want to read the foundation book as they look like they could be quite good for information & motivation, so I hope she can get them for us.

I also got food packs for the coming week & filled in the food packs to pick up next week as A (the new LLC) does them a week in advance. It was sooo nice having full choice again! I got more lemon & toffee bars, plus mushroom & chicken soups, fantastic! It's really strange isn't it? Being on the diet & having a really limited choice of flavours, then having that choice reduced to just 2 or 3 for over a week and suddenly I find myself craving LL flavours! I'm still thinking it's a real treat to have mushroom soup & a lemon bar today (hope this lasts for a while at least before the novelty wears off again!!).

So, much against my expectations I did actually really enjoy the session & left feeling really positive about LL again, which is such a relief. It does however leave me with a bit of a dilemma about the riding - I had a good think about it on the drive back home, and what I think I'll do is cancel next week's riding too as that will be the first proper counselling session with her. After that, I'll try to work it on a fortnightly basis, so one week I'll go to the complete session, the following week I'll go to the weigh in & stay for the first 1/2 hour before going to the riding. I'll try that for a few weeks to see how that goes.

Wish there was a better solution but actually I only have another 7 weeks on my official foundation & I'll have to see what weight I'm at by then. I know I'm not going to be on my packs for the wedding or for all of the honeymoon (I was hoping to be on maintenance by then so I can at least have some meals & not packs all the time!) but I'm really thinking now that as soon as I get back from it I'll go straight back on to lose the extra stone I need to, rather than go straight onto maintenance after foundation just because of the wedding.

Anyway, that'll all depend on what weight I'm at by the start of June, which is an age away. Right, I'm off to dig the bike out of the attic (don't ask - it's been there whilst h2b's been rebuilding a car in the garage so there was no space for it!!). Think I'm going to have to increase my exercise a few notches if I'm going to have any hope of getting to my ideal weight rather than my wedding target weight before the wedding, but I'm gonna try!!

Sorry for the length of the post, by the way, just found myself with a lot to say today for some reason ;-)
Promise tomorrow's will be much shorter!

Days 38 to 42 (Easter Weekend!)

Well, back from the Easter weekend and managed to grab some time to update the blog - tried adding some photos but got an error (grr) so will try again later...

What a great bank holiday weekend it was! It was so lovely to be out in the sunshine all weekend, really felt like summer was here! We drove over to the in-laws on Friday morning and got there in time for lunch (raspberry shake for me!), then decided to pop into Milton Keynes with h2b's Step-father to sort out suits for the wedding. The first shop we went into was really disappointing as they only had samples of everything and had to order in specially just to try the outfits on - not good when you're trying to try a few on to see which looks best!

Found Moss Bros round the corner though and popped in there - much better as they had a huge selection of all the suits to try on. They had better waistcoats too so we opted for them in the end. Signed all the paperwork, now we just have to get the rest of the wedding party to pop into their local Moss Bros to get measured! Took some pictures too so we don't forget what it looks like!

Got back to the house early evening then popped over to the field to feed & rug the horses (strangely I always volunteer for this bit!!), then had dinner. I'd brought all my food packs but had forgotten some essentials like my sweeteners and my reusable greaseproof paper - luckily they had some but it wasn't the same and made my poppadoms taste funny. The microwave there is also somewhat of an antique and so it took me about 3 1/2 minutes to make 1 poppadom (at home it's just over a minute!). I then baked a fruit bar into biscuits and proceeded to burn it - typical!! It's one of the things that makes it so awkward being away from home as you have to learn all the timings from scratch again...still, never mind, as I can always resort back to soup and shakes if I need to...

I had my hair trial on Saturday morning, which went quite well, only I had managed to leave the pictures I'd cut out / printed off in a folder at home so only had a few token ones to show her. Not sure if she really got what I was trying to explain to her, but she put my hair up a few different ways and it looked pretty good, so I have confidence it'll all be ok on the day. I'm really nervous about the hair actually as I've had a few trials (and one disastrous bridesmaid experience) where someone professional has 'done' my hair and I've ended up absolutely hating it. She took some photos for me but when I got back home and looked at them properly, none of them had come out particularly well :-( Anyway, it's given me something to think about and I still have time to rethink the hair if I need to.

Spent the rest of Saturday and all day Sunday in the paddock, digging up and trying to level bits of it for the marquee and re-grassing some of the bare bits. The lady in the next field is very kindly letting us use it for car parking for the wedding, so we also had to take part of the fence down, dig out & level the gap, then hack back all the brambles. Was exhausting work but felt really good afterwards and by the time we finished on Monday morning the place was looking fab. Remembered to take my camera over to the fields when I fed the horses on Sat night and took some photos which I'll (hopefully) include here:

Russ and his ball - he followed me around all weekend with his ball whilst I was trying to dig up the paddock!

Aconite the Exmoor posing for photos as usual...

The gap in the fence after all the hard work, digging and bramble-hacking (the scars are healing well ;-)

Chilli investigating the theodolite whilst we're trying to measure the field!

Sunset and Toffo (the pony in the next field!)

The weekend was over far too quickly as always - we drove back after lunch on Monday and pottered around the house, then Laurie turned up from his walking expedition in the Lakes so we vegged out for the evening as we were all so knackered.

Tuesday work was pretty busy, lots to get through this week and it's a short week which doesn't help. Definitely getting fed up of the lack of variety in my packs (veggie soup again?!?) so can't wait to go to the new LL tomorrow evening!

Day 37 - Thursday

Just a quick post for today, having just finished updating my posts for Tuesday & Wednesday (whoops!). Been another hectic day but have finally finished, which means I can enjoy the 4 day break in peace!! We're off to the (not quite) in laws this weekend in Bedford, where we'll have 4 days of sorting out things for the wedding, including a hair trial (!), lots of horses, dogs and fresh country air :-)

Think a change of scene will really do us both good actually, with all that's happened I feel like I've been through a bit of an emotional wringer. Am going to take the camera too this weekend (is all packed and ready and fully charged this time!!) so hopefully I'll be able to take some decent pics, then will have a go putting some up on the blog when I get back on Monday. Don't think they'll be as scenic as Lesley's somehow (Bedford not really being renowned for it's hills and all ;-) but there's some pretty bits in the countryside.

If I'm feeling really daring I may even ask h2b to get a shot of me on the horse (jods and all), but may just decide it would be unfair to inflict that on the innocent public ;-)

Anyway, hope everyone has a great Easter break, am looking forwards to catching up on all the blogs when I get back on Monday!!

Ois xx

Wednesday - Day 36 (64 to go)

Another hectic day - think everyone's trying to get loose ends sorted before Easter! Hope things calm down work-wise but I have a nasty suspicion things are going to get more hectic :-s Still, it's good to be busy and does keep my mind off other things!!

Weighed myself this morning as I always do the day following my weigh-in, and as no LL session last night thought I ought to keep it up. According to my scales I've lost 22lb in total (which is 2lb more than the LL scales reckoned on Saturday, so I don't think they're too far out). That's fab, and takes me over the 1 1/2 stone mark!! :-) I also measured myself, not too much change this week but the odd bit here and there, which as you know all adds up.

Had my vanilla in two lattes again today which I'm starting to enjoy. Anna the new LLC rang about lunchtime & we talked through some options. She is only able to do a session at 6pm on Wednesdays so really my only options are to either give up the riding whilst I'm on LL or go at 6 and get weighed & get my packs, stay for the first 1/2 hour then go. I'm not really sure I do want to give up the riding, after all it is a good thing (lots of exercise and fresh air) which I'm loathe to give up if I'm trying to make my lifestyle more healthy! But at the same time going to the sessions just for 1/2 hour or so isn't ideal either as I'd miss out on most of the counselling.

She did worry me slightly as she said she's putting us all into a Development group too as we're merging from different groups - this raises a few questions for me: a) how many are there going to be in the group and b) if we're in development, does this mean that we're not going to get the counselling? She can't give us the week by week sessions as we're all at differing weeks, so I'm concerned that even if I do give up my riding I won't benefit from it. Oh why did the counsellor in Lichfield have to quit on us?!? So, I'm thoroughly fed up with the whole thing right now. I'm going to stick with it, don't worry, at least for the time being, but I'm so annoyed with LL for putting us into this position in the first place.

I know it's not Anna's fault as she's just trying to help us all out, but it's not a good situation to be in. Anyway, Anna said it would be ok for me to come along next week on the Wed session, so I've cancelled my riding for that night to see how it works out. I think what I'm going to do is go along & see how it goes, see whether there's any counselling and if it's going to benefit me going along to the sessions. If it's not, then I'm really loathe to pay out all the cash for LL and not get the counselling, so I think I'll take a look at Cambridge at that point.

Riding this evening was great - it's strange but I didn't notice my fitness being particularly bad before I started LL (don't get me wrong, there's no way I was running a marathon or anything, but I wasn't getting out of breath whilst walking, and the riding was tiring but nothing I really connected to my lack of fitness or weight). I have to say though that tonight I felt absolutely fantastic!

It was a flatwork lesson and was quite energetic, lots of trotting and working on transitions (making the horse change paces smoothly, e.g. going from walk to trot to canter to trot to canter to trot to halt etc...) and I didn't feel in the slightest bit tired or lacking in energy, in fact I was positively buzzing by the end of it. It's made me realise just how much my body has changed in the 6 weeks I've been on LL - really it's got to have an impact not having to lug that extra 1 1/2 stone around already. I can't imagine what a difference losing another 1 1/2 stone is going to make to me, but I can't wait to find out!!

It has also made me realise that there were a lot of things I have been burying my head in the sand over, not acknowledging certain aspects of myself like the weight or the fitness as I didn't want to face the reality of the situation. I think that now I'm starting to feel a difference I'm beginning to realise that those things were always there in the background - and maybe because I didn't admit them even to myself and ended up hiding them, when I was feeling down they would sort of manifest themselves either by frustration or anger at myself.

One of the things I used to fear the most would be to have to get dressed up for a day / night out - the thought of how I looked would eat away at me (not literally, unfortunately) and I'd end up in a real panic about what to wear. I'd even sometimes end up going out to the shops to try to find something to wear, and end up in a sort of mad desperation picking something I would never in my right mind have worn, but being the only thing I could find in my size etc. When I came to actually get ready I'd inevitably end up going through my entire wardrobe getting increasingly frustrated and depressed, and then angry at myself. What was even more frustrating was I knew I was making us late (and believe me I hate being late!). My saint of a h2b would stay downstairs out of the way through all this, occasionally he'd pop back upstairs and give me a hug. I always felt so bad about the whole thing - the funny thing was that as soon as I got to wherever we were going I would be fine.

Anyway, not sure where all that deep & meaningful waffle came from, my apologies, this was supposed to be a quick post! I think that with everything that's happened over the past week, I've had to do some serious thinking about everything really, lighterlife, me losing weight, the counselling, where I am now and where I want to get to. It really is helping though, having a place to write these things down, and making the time to sit and do this. I think being able to rationalise some of my demons is definitely a sign of me changing my outlook even just a little, which has to be a good thing...

Day 35 / 65 to go...

Didn't wake up till nearly 8 (arg!) - thankfully one of the advantages to working from home though, as I went straight down & did 30 mins on the treadmill, dived through the shower and was still sitting at my desk, logged on by about 8.45… Had half a vanilla again for breakfast, then veg for lunch, with a raspberry muffin & fruit biscuits for dinner.

Busy day so didn't get much time to post! I did manage to get hold of someone from the Sutton office today though, but she said Anna the new LLC is only able to do a session on Wed evenings at 6pm which is the one night I can't do if I'm going to keep on with my riding. She did say she'll have a chat to Anna though & get her to ring me to discuss options.

Really missed the session this evening, so much has happened since the last one and it felt very strange not being able to see the others in my group. Hope I get something sorted soon...

Day 34 / 66 to go...

Sorted out my packs this morning to see exactly what I have - there wasn't a lot of choice on Saturday so I've got some flavours I don't particularly like (caramel & vanilla), so have decided to sort out the remaining packs into weeks so I don't get stuck with the horrible ones all at the end. The vanilla ones aren't as bad as I can put them in coffee, so made a latte mid morning as my 'breakfast' with half a pack. Don't have enough soups left to do 2 a day as I have been, which isn't so bad, but decided to have that for my dinner tonight and try the caramel for lunch. This time round I have my sweeteners though, which I didn't the last time I tried it, so I'm hoping that'll improve it!

Made a muffin from the caramel - actually wasn't too bad, it's definitely the best way I've found of eating the caramel one so far, so at least I'll be able to eat the rest of the caramel packs now!! Work was busy again today, so worked right through until gone 6, though I did manage to have quite a productive spurt sorting out more bits for the wedding in my lunch hour. Have made an appointment to see the ring designer who made the engagement ring, I can't wait, but it's not till the end of April! I'm just hoping they'll be able to do something within our budget :-s Also tried the new phone number for the local vicar and this one thankfully worked. There wasn't anyone there but I left a message, so hopefully they'll get back to me tomorrow...

Also tried ringing the LLC from Sutton but no luck - will have to try tomorrow. Switched over to my sailing coursework as soon as I'd finished work, really wanted to get the assignment completed so that I can post it off to them. Not that we're competing or anything (yeah right!) but h2b & I are both doing the course - I'd done the first section back in November (just hadn't got round to doing the assessment) but he hadn't started it, then all of a sudden he's been studying and already got his assessment in, marked and returned! Didn't like that at all (grr, I'm supposed to be the organised one!!), but think it was the spur I needed to knuckle down and do it! Anyway, managed to finish it & print it off - it's all now sitting in an envelope ready to go off tomorrow. Feel pleased (and a little relieved!) that's done, now I can concentrate on the next section!

Went into the kitchen to sort out my veg poppadoms and realised that I never got round to having the 2nd half of my vanilla pack this afternoon - I hadn't even noticed! Had my poppadoms then made a mini muffin out of the remaining vanilla & tried adding some St Clements to it, which made it nice & orangey. Will have to do that again! Finished off with a nut bar before heading up to bed, wanted to read my book as it's right at the end & getting really good - finally finished just before midnight (so much for my early night then!). Yawn...

Day 33 - Third of the way through!!

Sunday - Day 33
Woke up feeling much more positive about the whole thing, think catching up on my sleep has helped. I've looked online today for LLC's in the area and looks like the woman in Sutton Coldfield is the closest, so I'll give her a ring tomorrow and see what's happening with the groups from Lichfield. I think if the times don't work out for the sessions (I really hope it does), I'll go there for a few weeks to get the packs & get weighed, and see how it goes.

If it's really not working out, I'll then look to switch to Cambridge - if I'm not getting the counselling sessions I think it doesn't make sense for me to be forking out £66 a week on packs when Cambridge is about half the price for essentially the same thing. Anyway, that's a few weeks off yet, and hopefully things with the new LLC will work out (she says positively!!).

Got out and mowed the lawn finally this morning, then attacked the hedges & bushes with a vengeance, have been meaning to do it for ages! Felt much better after that too - it's a lovely day! Need to sort some bits out for the wedding this afternoon, plus my sailing theory course on celestial navigation (!) which I've been putting off for quite a while (I started it back in November and did the first module but haven't done any since!). Have to get it finished by the end of May which is coming around awfully quickly now!

Right, off to check all the blogs I've missed since I've been away, then really must get on with the course...
Hope everyone else is having a great weekend so far!

Day 32 (Saturday) 68 to go...

Managed to sleep in a bit this morning, must have needed it! We're off to my mother's today to pick up a sofa - she's getting a new one and ours is looking very old and battered (we've been putting off getting a new one until we re-do the living room, we're slowly working our way round the house!). Had a quick shake before we left & also microwaved some biscuits to take with me, then left to pick up the hire van.

Decided to pop into the LLC's at 11 as I wasn't sure there'd be anything left by Monday - turned out that was the right thing to do as I got there 10 mins early, there were already 4 people there! Got weighed and I've lost 4lb since Tuesday (yay!) - I know it was morning though & I usually get weighed in the evening, but it's still loss and that cheered me up quite a bit.

The LLC (or rather, ex-LLC) wasn't any more forthcoming about why she was quitting, however she did say she'd spoken to the nearest other LLC who's in Sutton Coldfield and she's happy to take us and is thinking of setting up a group just for the Lichfield people. Got her phone number so will have to give her a ring. Apparently she can only do a session on a Wednesday night though, which I won't be able to do because of the riding, but the ex-LLC did say that the LLC in Sutton would be able to give us the packs and do our weigh-ins even if we couldn't make the sessions, so that is another option at least.

The other girls waiting were all from a different group but only a couple of weeks ahead of mine. They all seemed really nice - as you would expect, they were worried & upset by the whole thing, but we all seem to be determined to keep on with it and not let this pull us off-track. Two of the women took a months supply each from our LLC, which meant there was not huge amounts of choice by the time it got round to my turn, I got mainly vegetable soups and raspberry shakes plus nut bars, but it'll keep me going for another few weeks whilst I sort out where I'm going next.

Rest of the day went really well, got to my mother's about 1.30pm, stayed for a few hours before heading back home. My aunt has lost a load of weight over the last year (going from a size 16-18 down to a 10/12) and is looking fab - she has a size 16 suit which she said I could have as my two best size 18 suits were both very loose this week at my meetings and I don't think I'll be able to wear them for much longer. Anyway, I didn't think my aunt's would fit me just yet but she made me try it on and it fitted! Can't quite believe I managed to get into a 16, that's so cool!! They all said I look really good as well, they can tell I've lost weight & it's only been 3 weeks since I saw them last. My nan also said I looked really healthy - I think they were worried that this diet & the weight-loss wouldn't be healthy, so it's put their mind at rest a bit too which is great.

We headed off around 4pm & dropped my brother off on the way past - got back to Birmingham around 6.30pm & unloaded the new sofa - finally got it in place after a lot of shunting back & forth, then we both collapsed onto it for the evening! Loving the sofa - it's miles better than our old one, & will be great for vegging out on! (But of course, not too much any more!!)

Days 29 -31 (Wed to Fri) nightmare...

Well, what a nightmare of a week! My business trip to Paris went ok, but the lead up to it was hectic so I didn't get a chance to post. Took my packs, my hand-blender & 3 lots of microwaved 'biscuits' for the Wed / Thur & Fri. The flight over wasn't good, ended up being 2 hours late, and of course I'd put all my packs in the hold luggage as I wasn't sure they'd let them through security. Had to content myself with a black coffee instead. Things got worse when I got out of the terminal as the main road into Paris was closed due to an accident and all the roads were jammed up.

Finally got to the hotel about 11pm absolutely knackered - switched my phone on to find a text message from our LLC telling me she was giving up Lighterlife. The message didn't say much except that we could pop round on the Saturday or Monday to get more packs from her. I felt absolutely gutted by that message, and sat in my hotel room for an age wondering what to do, trying to work out what my options were and whether or not I should just jack the whole thing in (though thankfully those particular thoughts didn't last too long).

I really wanted to post or go on minimins for advice but couldn't connect - it was quite hard being away from all the support and contact actually, and I really missed it. Phoned h2b and he was really great, said to not worry about it until I got back from France and that I should not give up on it as I'm doing really well - it's the first time he's really acknowledged that I'm doing well - I don't mean that he's not supportive because he really is, it's just that he hasn't really talked much about it up til that point and it meant so much hearing him say that! So I went to bed slightly happier (with my hot chocolate drink!).

The Thursday meetings went well, I had a shake in my room for breakfast and managed to sit and drink my water through lunch whilst everyone was tucking into baguettes, I told them I was on a diet and they were ok about it actually. The main problem was the dinner planned for the evening - we were told that morning that the client had arranged for us all to go out for dinner at his friend's restaurant. There was only time for us to drop our bags of at the hotel, and I was worrying about it the whole way over.

In the end I made a decision that I couldn't really not go with them, so went along, and had a salad as my starter (no dressing, thankfully they put it on the side!) and a steak for main (with just carrots which I ignored & no other veg or potatoes). Did a very good trick suggested in the LL booklet of cutting up bits and chasing it round the plate, no one noticed I hardly ate a thing. I was also poured a 1/2 a small glass of wine, and I managed to sip it so slowly my glass never got refilled. Felt very proud of myself, and the client was happy too. Dessert was funny though, I hadn't ordered one (of course!) & just drank my water when they came out, one of the guys kept insisting I try a bit of the pudding and I had to keep refusing, assuring him I was quite ok until he finally let up!

The rest of the trip went well, I stuck with my packs and everyone said they were impressed with my willpower. The truth was though that I really wasn't bothered by all the food - I appreciated looking at it but wasn't slightly tempted to have any. The other thing I found was that although I hardly did eat anything on the Thursday night, and just really played with the food on the plate, I did not enjoy it at all and felt really bad about the fact that I'd had to order it at all.

It was definitely not a situation I want to repeat (and thankfully trips like that only usually happen once or twice a year) but I guess it is a case of having to deal with the reality of the situation. This for us is a huge huge project and it was important to get this off to the right start, I had to make the decision not to risk alienating the client, which is always so much harder when there are language barriers there to overcome as well. Still, I am happy with how I handled it, the more I face situations like this the more I realise just how much I'm changing in my attitudes to food and eating. It also made me realise that even if I am out at a restaurant there's always healthier options I can pick, and I don't have to enjoy it any less.

Friday went well, had my shake again for breakfast, and one bar's worth of biscuits for lunch when I got to the airport. The flight back was delayed again, but not by too much, the traffic back was not great but I managed to miss the worst of the Friday evening traffic. Was absolutely shattered by the time I got home, only got about 3 hours sleep the night before as I was thinking about the LLC and what to do next. Also don't think it was helped by all the coffee I had during the day - I usually drink decaf at home so 4 cups of fully caffeinated really didn't help there!

I've been thinking about the LL situation a lot - I would really like to keep on with the Lighterlife programme, it does seem to be working for me and I'm finding the counselling sessions useful. To be honest though I'm not too cut up about having to switch counsellor as I have not been overly impressed with the current one - the thing that is worrying me, however, is whether or not we will be able to join another group who are all at around the same or similar week (5) as we are, or whether we'd have to start from scratch again which would not be so good.

I'm also worried about finding another LLC in the area, I'm already having to drive for 1/2 hour to get to the one in Lichfield, and I don't remember there being any nearer to me than that. Hmm. I suppose the other option could be to look at the Cambridge diet, the only problem there is that it doesn't have the counselling element that LL does. I also don't really want to go it alone, I know you can get the packs on ebay but they're way overpriced and it would be far too much hassle to get them on a regular basis; that, coupled with the lack of counselling and lack of weekly support / monitoring really rules it out as an option for me I think. Hmm, more to ponder on...